How is it that when you're sick for a while, it is just quite simply impossible to have normal days or even imagine what it would be like to have them ever again?
"Normal" becomes some annoying blob in my memory of events and moments that I look back on with fondness, recalling the perfection of those times. But how absurd. Because in reality, most moments at the time are surrounded by lurking discontent. That ever-pestering, nagging need for perfection is always on my mind. Living in the moment is usually something I leave to the birds.
But when you feel like your guts have been removed from inside of your body, run over by a truck in a dirty road, then stuffed back inside of you to fend for themselves, perspective changes. And although I don't quite get why I have to be plagued with this thing, I have begun to realize that it is a pretty solid reminder of the fact that happiness is a choice. And that I'm pretty lousy at being thankful because I am so preoccupied with gaining perfection in one thing or another at any given moment.
So, I've been attempting to pull myself together in the last week or so. I've realized that the people and things I am blessed enough to have in my life are all pretty amazing and inspirational.
And that's just it! Inspiration. It makes all of the difference.
Recently, I've been most inspired by the rare chance to play for important people with incredible musicians on the most wonderful instrument of my life. That also provides perspective and a new lease on practicing, I tell you what. And I'll tell you more about that if you ask, of course!
But on ordinary days when I feel like giving up, I am reminded of those small things in life that are so inspirational. And as I gather them together and search for new motivation in life and in food creation and music making, I might be changing, and my choices might have to be a little different from now on, but how stupid would I be to waste another moment being ungrateful, striving for unnattainable perfection? Stop it, Anna. Seriously.
Get it together.
If you're anything like me and you find yourself needing a little help, drop by Julia's kitchen and see me while you're at it. I'll probably be there, having conversations with her in my head.
"You'll never know everything about anything, especially something you love." - Julia Child
photo taken at the Smithsonian of Julia's kitchen and her coffee pot with very helpful tips on how much coffee you actually get from certain amounts of water. Love it.