Saturday, September 26, 2009


the weather here has been 100% better the last few days. i love sunshine on the beach but i'll take the rain over 108 degrees any day in texas. the gloominess made every morning a little more pleasant. i guess that sounds strange but rain, to me, is comforting. it means so much to me that this little place i spend so much time in becomes a cozy haven. i'm very much a person in need of a sanctuary. and since i have had SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much time to think this week, i have begun to wonder : why do all of this? why is it necessary for women to make homes just so? some women go for the cozy atmosphere but others really do it, i think, to impress fellow women with lovely things. i guess we're like that in more than just decor... clothing, hair, shoes, children?! etc...

but as much as i want to impress some of my friends who i think are more creative than i am ... i have been thinking about my home long term. i appreciate orderliness and cleanliness as well as cute, coordinating things in homes that i visit... but what do i want out of our place? both this one and those to come in the future? i guess it is my job to think about this!

to me, having a clean home respects my husband and the place that is ours. but when it comes to making it a sanctuary, i have been thinking about how i want our place to always be in the condition that at any moment, any person could come in and feel at home - no matter where they're from. i am beginning to understand (after visiting a gorgeous house of an older couple) that we will probably not (if ever) have super nice, expensive things (more than we do now, because GOODNESS did we get really nice wedding - especially kitchen - gifts) and we probably won't be able to afford any kind of fancy apartment for a long time. both of these things i am completely fine with. but i really just like the idea of sharing love through our home. that it be a reflection of who we are and how we live, to invite others in and to share what we have. that's what we're called to in this life anyway - show love. and when we can do it through a place, YES!!

too much rambling. so glad this time of loneliness is almost over. and after making a pillow out of burlap (WHOOOOOOOA) my craft projects have come to an end for now. i need maybe 3 or 4 more things to have the completed look i'm after for the apartment and then i am done. if nothing else, i have had many hours to think about being married and nesting and i am REALLY ready to have Gregory back. almost there.............

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

the projects continue

what to do with a square whole in the wall that makes no sense? put beads in it! and maybe some candles later.

and look at our sweet puppy :)

that's all for today!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

taking captive every thought. help!?

totally eating some break apart cookies right now. taking full advantage of the fact that there is no need to make anything decent at the moment! it's so funny to be me sometimes... i absolutely LOVE cooking. and i have been... every night, even when we come in the door at 6 - i have some sort of meal plan. but i have discovered that if it weren't for Greg, i would totally be a vegetarian and i wouldn't bake at all!

now a completely different thought. i hesitate to share thoughts like this because they sound ridiculous but i know those of you who read care, and i need some wise counsel, i think!
so : i am a creature of worry. i like to blame it on family members like my dear Grandmom who wouldn't let dad ever be a boyscout or would never fly on an airplane because "what if?" but the fact of the matter is that i am just a big worry wart. it's disgusting, thus the name. and no one's fault but mine. it's become a pretty big problem, though. i have realized that i spend more time with Gregory or anyone i love, thinking about/dreading the times i won't have them and hardly ever just relax into the moment.

a pretty sorry way to live life.

i am reminded of my purpose often but usually forget it, probably just to fuel my own worry which is now just a habit. how do i break it? i realize that in order to live a full life, i need to give this up and accept the fact that each moment is precious. i have been thinking about the yale murder alot this week - it makes me so sick, i can't handle it. but i think about death alot, even without turning the news on. death is familiar to me. i have known so many dear ones who have passed on, sometimes way before their time, and sometimes i have been in the same room at the time of their passing. what do you do with something like that? live life as if it is going to be over at any second? i desperately want to find the balance between cherishing every moment and dreading when it is over. instead of me, for instance today - soaking up a walk to class and the warm, fresh air for a moment only to be interrupted with the thought that something bad could happen so i shouldn't enjoy anything too much!?! this is ridiculous. i need help!!

thoughts welcome :)

back to art projects. tonight's work : mounting the kiss by klimt. it ties in some pretty colors to our bedroom and it's just a great piece.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

make art

man, you guys are supportive! thanks :) especially to my new sisters. i already had two fantastic sisters, and now i have two more. HOLLERRRRR :)

ok. so. official day 2 without Gregory.

poor boy had to travel for 27 hours instead of... alot less. but he is safely in trondheim now. and zoe and i are safely tucked in our apt. still a little lonely - but i decided to do a little art project to pass the time that i didn't spend practicing today!!

i saw wall art similar to this and thought - i can do that!! so i tried! i went with a brown silhouette look instead of black, since our living room is mostly brownish tones (and proving to look very 70's) what would my mother say? she thinks the 70's should be left in the past but i know her too well and i have seen pictures - she was SO guilty of liking it back then :)

i think that is all for now... more thoughts and art projects to follow!
it just so happens to be 5 a.m.

and i should be asleep.

i sit here, watching hair loss infomercials, one with montel about juicing everything in sight (impressive) and a better discovery, asian history and poverty.

the next nine days will admittedly prove to be a challenge for me. i am a social creature. always have been. and even when i wasn't as a younger person (which was usually due to a sense of inadequacy) i wished it to be so. however, i am just now realizing (as i sit here at too-early-o-clock) how desperately aware of this fact i am and OH hey i have been married for one month - it went by quickly but boy did i grow accustomed to having Gregory around every evening.

(new show on : an African-American woman speaking to us as "mother earth" - she says it's time we have a "heart to heart"! "don't make me send a tornado to get my point across," she says...)

ok let's get to the point here! one gazillion people blog these days. a few of my dear friends (and a new family member YESSS) have REALLY interesting, incredible, thought-provoking blogs. i truly believe that mine will be neither. but i see the fulfillment of these things and would like to jump on the bandwagon (banjo music?)

so, hey bloggers! i want to share life with you!

and what better time to start than when my dear husband (still getting used to that word) has left me for a quartet competition in Norway!

you see, grad school is actually a joke... i am paying this university to get a masters in music, right? and somehow this means i take one class and participate in ensembles and lessons. clearly, with a lack of academic worry, i turn to lesson worry and obsessive apartment cleaning, as well as experimental cooking. life is so strange for me right now. i am "nesting" for the first time in my life. i have this place that is ours and i can do whatever i want with it! at the same time, i am in this strange place of limbo - where i have no friends here, not even any prospective friends and because of the quartet, i am alone most of every day. what on earth do i do with this alone time? yes, i can practice. but i have to tell you, the more time goes on, the less i am able to sit alone trying to master a box of wood and a stick. SO here i go... living and learning in austin, while hopefully gaining some understanding of how to be a good person while i am on this earth.