Saturday, November 14, 2009

taking it in

so i saw donald miller the other night and he was talking about his new book - a million miles for a thousand years - which apparently explains the process of making your life into a movie (blue like jazz is apparently headed this way)

so, in his talk he dissects "story" - what it is. and in his journey he studies under the famous robert mckee who has a seven billion page book on narrative!

anyway don said some REALLY interesting, thought provoking if you have time or care to read, do :) i realize he is often criticized as being liberal. and i am not validating everything he says but i think anything that causes us to ask questions will help us to better know what we do or do not believe. and i appreciate the fact that he is filled with both wit and knowledge - has an open mind - and thinks for himself. he never pushes anyone into believing what he does. he just speaks.

throughout the talk, don made it really clear that the same thing happens in EVERY story - a character goes through some kind of conflict to get to an end... if the end is bad, it is a tragedy, but a story nonetheless.

he made an observation about conflict - it is in EVERY person's life. and our society teaches us to believe that conflict has no place here. we "deserve" better and are even taught the smallest amount of conflict, such as grease on dishes, is a crime against humanity.

ok so he takes it to the Bible - a whole lotta conflict. God puts it in our lives. He needs us to have conflict because he knows (and i kind of made this part up:)
a) without it, there's no story
b) through it, He is always there and we become aware of the fact that we need Him to be there
c) because of it, we are appreciative of life, the other side of the conflict, thereby we have JOY

THEN don went on to talk about something else.... the original story. adam!

adam was completely fulfilled by God. after all, it was just adam AND God. that's it. but even being completely fulfilled ( to the point of nakedness without embarassment) God acknowledged that adam was lonely and needed.... he needed something BESIDES God! say WHAT? ok at that point God has adam do something that we might brush over... he has adam name all of the animals. it has been estimated that this process could take up to ONE HUNDRED years! here adam is, lonely... the only one of his kind , naming and naming... and FINALLY God creates eve - and she is bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh. because he had been through that conflict, that hellish experience even, and he now appreciated eve like he couldn't have before.

ok so that was the main topic of his talk

BUT over the course of the evening, he brought up a couple of more points that he thinks are theologically incorrect. this is the interesting part. things that we have been told over and over that don claims aren't in the Bible:

1) A hole in our hearts, refer to the donut hole analogy, that can only be filled by Jesus:
Biblically, that hole can only be completely filled at the marriage supper of the Lamb - but not on this earth and definitely not at conversion.
2) You can become the person God means for you to be:
Because of the fall, we cannot be in full communion with God as He intends, completely fulfilled by Him until, again, heaven.
3) He contends the idea that certain steps can be taken to have a blessed/fulfilled life:
If we can do anything or pray anything that can lead us to a blessed life, then what happens when we fail? it is then our fault? don recommended that if you are going to read books about success/fulfillment/blessing, before purchasing, you should flip to the back page, see if the author is naked... if not, don't buy. (get it... adam was fulfilled by God and naked?) haha i thought that was funny

Ok one last thing - I realize some of this is very random but he did give one of the best definitions of forgiveness I have ever heard

Forgiveness: is when you carry a burden that someone else has given you BUT you no longer hold them responsible. however, the burden is always there. it does not leave you. the blame leaves.

i like to listen to what people have to say. i like being aware of other opinions and then forming my own. i think it is healthy. and i think we should all keep listening and reading and learning :)

Friday, October 2, 2009

a lesson in parenting

Not to worry. Just wanted to shock whoever reads this.

However, Gregory and I are parents (in a sense) to a four pound, highly energized, bed hogging, Zoe is great. We love her. She requires a lot of attention. So much so that when Greg even so much as puts an arm around me, she freaks out and tries to jump or scratch one of us until we include her.

BUT... she has been doing really well here in our little apartment. Very few accidents and only an occasional bark when we let her run around on the patio outside. She's a good dog.

So good that I decided last night it was high time for her to learn some discipline. Every evening when we go to bed, we put up the viola case blockade from our room to the bathroom. Her bed is on the other side in the bathroom and that is where she must sleep - this is very hard for her because she is used to sleeping with me - however her new Dad wants no part in this! I decided that it would be much more enjoyable for her to sleep in our bedroom if she could ONLY just learn to stay in HER bed and not get into ours. SO we tried. She knows "lay down" and "stay" very well but obedience is excruciating to three year old Zoe.

From this wild attempt at disciplining a tiny dog, Greg and I only learned that being parents will prove to be very hard work. We would tell her to stay then would lay very still, while Greg would watch her with one eye opened only to yell NO the moment she moved. The in between was more hilarious.... when we would look at her "ignoring" us as she stared at the wall... but the best was shutting off the lights for 5 seconds only to turn them back on to see her caught in the act of army crawling out of her bed on to the carpet... It was priceless. We couldn't stop laughing.

All of that to say, I woke up at 3 am to her sleeping at my feet. Whoops? Round two tonight perhaps.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


the weather here has been 100% better the last few days. i love sunshine on the beach but i'll take the rain over 108 degrees any day in texas. the gloominess made every morning a little more pleasant. i guess that sounds strange but rain, to me, is comforting. it means so much to me that this little place i spend so much time in becomes a cozy haven. i'm very much a person in need of a sanctuary. and since i have had SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much time to think this week, i have begun to wonder : why do all of this? why is it necessary for women to make homes just so? some women go for the cozy atmosphere but others really do it, i think, to impress fellow women with lovely things. i guess we're like that in more than just decor... clothing, hair, shoes, children?! etc...

but as much as i want to impress some of my friends who i think are more creative than i am ... i have been thinking about my home long term. i appreciate orderliness and cleanliness as well as cute, coordinating things in homes that i visit... but what do i want out of our place? both this one and those to come in the future? i guess it is my job to think about this!

to me, having a clean home respects my husband and the place that is ours. but when it comes to making it a sanctuary, i have been thinking about how i want our place to always be in the condition that at any moment, any person could come in and feel at home - no matter where they're from. i am beginning to understand (after visiting a gorgeous house of an older couple) that we will probably not (if ever) have super nice, expensive things (more than we do now, because GOODNESS did we get really nice wedding - especially kitchen - gifts) and we probably won't be able to afford any kind of fancy apartment for a long time. both of these things i am completely fine with. but i really just like the idea of sharing love through our home. that it be a reflection of who we are and how we live, to invite others in and to share what we have. that's what we're called to in this life anyway - show love. and when we can do it through a place, YES!!

too much rambling. so glad this time of loneliness is almost over. and after making a pillow out of burlap (WHOOOOOOOA) my craft projects have come to an end for now. i need maybe 3 or 4 more things to have the completed look i'm after for the apartment and then i am done. if nothing else, i have had many hours to think about being married and nesting and i am REALLY ready to have Gregory back. almost there.............

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

the projects continue

what to do with a square whole in the wall that makes no sense? put beads in it! and maybe some candles later.

and look at our sweet puppy :)

that's all for today!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

taking captive every thought. help!?

totally eating some break apart cookies right now. taking full advantage of the fact that there is no need to make anything decent at the moment! it's so funny to be me sometimes... i absolutely LOVE cooking. and i have been... every night, even when we come in the door at 6 - i have some sort of meal plan. but i have discovered that if it weren't for Greg, i would totally be a vegetarian and i wouldn't bake at all!

now a completely different thought. i hesitate to share thoughts like this because they sound ridiculous but i know those of you who read care, and i need some wise counsel, i think!
so : i am a creature of worry. i like to blame it on family members like my dear Grandmom who wouldn't let dad ever be a boyscout or would never fly on an airplane because "what if?" but the fact of the matter is that i am just a big worry wart. it's disgusting, thus the name. and no one's fault but mine. it's become a pretty big problem, though. i have realized that i spend more time with Gregory or anyone i love, thinking about/dreading the times i won't have them and hardly ever just relax into the moment.

a pretty sorry way to live life.

i am reminded of my purpose often but usually forget it, probably just to fuel my own worry which is now just a habit. how do i break it? i realize that in order to live a full life, i need to give this up and accept the fact that each moment is precious. i have been thinking about the yale murder alot this week - it makes me so sick, i can't handle it. but i think about death alot, even without turning the news on. death is familiar to me. i have known so many dear ones who have passed on, sometimes way before their time, and sometimes i have been in the same room at the time of their passing. what do you do with something like that? live life as if it is going to be over at any second? i desperately want to find the balance between cherishing every moment and dreading when it is over. instead of me, for instance today - soaking up a walk to class and the warm, fresh air for a moment only to be interrupted with the thought that something bad could happen so i shouldn't enjoy anything too much!?! this is ridiculous. i need help!!

thoughts welcome :)

back to art projects. tonight's work : mounting the kiss by klimt. it ties in some pretty colors to our bedroom and it's just a great piece.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

make art

man, you guys are supportive! thanks :) especially to my new sisters. i already had two fantastic sisters, and now i have two more. HOLLERRRRR :)

ok. so. official day 2 without Gregory.

poor boy had to travel for 27 hours instead of... alot less. but he is safely in trondheim now. and zoe and i are safely tucked in our apt. still a little lonely - but i decided to do a little art project to pass the time that i didn't spend practicing today!!

i saw wall art similar to this and thought - i can do that!! so i tried! i went with a brown silhouette look instead of black, since our living room is mostly brownish tones (and proving to look very 70's) what would my mother say? she thinks the 70's should be left in the past but i know her too well and i have seen pictures - she was SO guilty of liking it back then :)

i think that is all for now... more thoughts and art projects to follow!
it just so happens to be 5 a.m.

and i should be asleep.

i sit here, watching hair loss infomercials, one with montel about juicing everything in sight (impressive) and a better discovery, asian history and poverty.

the next nine days will admittedly prove to be a challenge for me. i am a social creature. always have been. and even when i wasn't as a younger person (which was usually due to a sense of inadequacy) i wished it to be so. however, i am just now realizing (as i sit here at too-early-o-clock) how desperately aware of this fact i am and OH hey i have been married for one month - it went by quickly but boy did i grow accustomed to having Gregory around every evening.

(new show on : an African-American woman speaking to us as "mother earth" - she says it's time we have a "heart to heart"! "don't make me send a tornado to get my point across," she says...)

ok let's get to the point here! one gazillion people blog these days. a few of my dear friends (and a new family member YESSS) have REALLY interesting, incredible, thought-provoking blogs. i truly believe that mine will be neither. but i see the fulfillment of these things and would like to jump on the bandwagon (banjo music?)

so, hey bloggers! i want to share life with you!

and what better time to start than when my dear husband (still getting used to that word) has left me for a quartet competition in Norway!

you see, grad school is actually a joke... i am paying this university to get a masters in music, right? and somehow this means i take one class and participate in ensembles and lessons. clearly, with a lack of academic worry, i turn to lesson worry and obsessive apartment cleaning, as well as experimental cooking. life is so strange for me right now. i am "nesting" for the first time in my life. i have this place that is ours and i can do whatever i want with it! at the same time, i am in this strange place of limbo - where i have no friends here, not even any prospective friends and because of the quartet, i am alone most of every day. what on earth do i do with this alone time? yes, i can practice. but i have to tell you, the more time goes on, the less i am able to sit alone trying to master a box of wood and a stick. SO here i go... living and learning in austin, while hopefully gaining some understanding of how to be a good person while i am on this earth.